Advice on avoiding date rape must also address male behaviors
http://www.santacruzsentinel.com/ci_20833677
The
issue of rape is usually the last topic anyone wants to address
publicly so I was pleased to the see the column titled “How to prevent
date rape” from clinical psychologist Offra Gerstein in Sunday’s
Sentinel, May 13. Unfortunately, the advice offered places the
responsibility for avoiding male sexual violence onto females who are
disproportionally the victims. Every suggestion in the column tells
girls what to do or not to do to recognize, assess, prepare for and
prevent aggressive male sexual abuse.
So what is the problem with telling girls to be cautious and alerting them to potentially abusive male behavior? In the absence of comparable advice or education for boys, the perpetrators of violence are rendered invisible, as if male sexual violence is an inevitable force of nature. With the aggressors shielded from scrutiny, it is the victim’s behavior that is scrutinized. So the litany of advice is really more about assigning responsibility.
Even
the most cautious girl can make a simple error of judgment such as
having too much to drink or trusting someone too much. With rape
prevention centered only on advice to females, such simple errors of
judgment become the primary explanation for
the abuse or violation. “She should not have had that extra drink. She
should not have gone to his room. She should not have let him kiss her
and given him a mixed message.” The list is endless. It has a 5,000
yearold history. It translates into self-blame and is one of the main
barriers to healing for survivors of rape. It seeps into the judgments
of after-rape resources such as police, prosecutors, juries and even
psychologists.
The
advice in the column reminded me of the reactions of so many parents of
prospective students visiting UC Santa Cruz on Preview Day.
Reading the words Rape Prevention Education on the sign above my literature table it was quite common for a parent to say, with relief, “Oh I don’t have to worry about that, I have boys.” The student peer educator sitting with me at the table would inevitably reply, “Well, it’s the boys who are doing the raping!”
A conversation would then follow about what messages boys need to hear to be participants in real rape prevention.
Thankfully we have made some progress in our educational efforts, although blaming the victim of rape is still the dominant social attitude. Most rape prevention programs worth their salt now focus on educating boys about the meaning of consent in sexual relationships; that a “no” should not be seen as a challenge; that anyone severely impaired from alcohol cannot give consent; that boys can be victims; that while most boys don’t rape, rape is still largely committed by males; that boys who like and respect girls can play a significant role in stopping sexually abusive males from inflicting harm, especially in social situations; that our popular culture of super heroes glorifying male violence and female sexual objectification is sending dangerous messages. And as girls increasingly become sexual subjects rather than passive sexual recipients, as well as to acknowledge rape in lesbian relationships, girls also need to hear messages more nuanced than simply how to avoid rape.
Gillian Greensite is a Santa Cruz resident with over 30 years experience in rape prevention education. She is co-founder of the city Commission for the Prevention of Violence against Women and author of ‘Rape at College: How to Help a Friend.’
Gillian Greensite: Advice on avoiding date rape must also address male behaviors
Posted:
05/19/2012 01:30:33 PM PDT
So what is the problem with telling girls to be cautious and alerting them to potentially abusive male behavior? In the absence of comparable advice or education for boys, the perpetrators of violence are rendered invisible, as if male sexual violence is an inevitable force of nature. With the aggressors shielded from scrutiny, it is the victim’s behavior that is scrutinized. So the litany of advice is really more about assigning responsibility.
Reading the words Rape Prevention Education on the sign above my literature table it was quite common for a parent to say, with relief, “Oh I don’t have to worry about that, I have boys.” The student peer educator sitting with me at the table would inevitably reply, “Well, it’s the boys who are doing the raping!”
A conversation would then follow about what messages boys need to hear to be participants in real rape prevention.
Thankfully we have made some progress in our educational efforts, although blaming the victim of rape is still the dominant social attitude. Most rape prevention programs worth their salt now focus on educating boys about the meaning of consent in sexual relationships; that a “no” should not be seen as a challenge; that anyone severely impaired from alcohol cannot give consent; that boys can be victims; that while most boys don’t rape, rape is still largely committed by males; that boys who like and respect girls can play a significant role in stopping sexually abusive males from inflicting harm, especially in social situations; that our popular culture of super heroes glorifying male violence and female sexual objectification is sending dangerous messages. And as girls increasingly become sexual subjects rather than passive sexual recipients, as well as to acknowledge rape in lesbian relationships, girls also need to hear messages more nuanced than simply how to avoid rape.
Gillian Greensite is a Santa Cruz resident with over 30 years experience in rape prevention education. She is co-founder of the city Commission for the Prevention of Violence against Women and author of ‘Rape at College: How to Help a Friend.’
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